The court
by slinko
Summary: Roy is accused of killing Havocs pet toad. So, he goes to court. But what happens when Inuyasha is the prosecutor and a little girl is his defendant? Chaos that's what!Please R&R!
1. A bad day

**I do not own full metal alchemist or inuyasha, and if you still read these disclaimers, you clearly don't read enough fanfictions. Shame on you. **

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Roy Mustang. 8:30. morning. Saturday. Roys house. Coffee. Mouth. Yum. You get the point. Roy was sitting at his house at eight thirty in the morning on a saturday. Drinking coffee. It was just a normal average day...when... 

Roy sighed waiting for someone to either knock on the door, call on the phone, or burst in through his window. That's what always happened in these stupid fanfics he has to go through everyday. It's always himself falling in love with maria, or him and ed, or him and some other gay pairing, or him and Winry or something stupid like that. Really Roy! What would Riza think! Well you might as well ask her now.

" Hi Roy" Said Riza as she picked up Roys coffee and dumped it on his head. Roy screamed.

" #$! WHAT THE $#!&! RIZA! WHAT THE $#! WAS THAT FOR?" roy screamed.

Riza smiled. She liked to pour hot coffee on Roys head. It was fun! Fun fun fun! Fun fun fun till daddy took the T-bird away! Riza smiled and handed Roy a towel. Roy grabbed it out of her hands and wiped his face off.

" Now Riza, tell me, Just ONE thing. ONE thing...what the bloody hell are you doing in my house?"

Riza smiled even more and sighed a little.

" Roy Roy Roy...Everyday someone needs to dump hot coffee on your head..so...I DID!"

" Get out."

" Pardon me?"

" GET OUT!":

Riza screamed in horror and jumped out Roys window. Roy was NOT having a good day today. And it was only 8:34 in the morning. At that moment, Roy smelled a strange burning smell.

" What the-?"

Roy then instantly remembered the muffins he was cooking in the oven. Roy ran into the kitchen and saw his oven on fire.

" OH NO! THE MUFFINS WILL BURN!" screamed Roy as he despreatly tried to put out the fire by blowing on it. This...well...this didn't really work out as planned. So, Roy ran to the sink, filled up a bucket with water, and poured the water onto the fire.

The flames slowely dissapeared. Roy sighed with relief but then he remembered the muffins. Roys eyes bugged and he screamed about muffins.

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Meanwhile, next door... 

Roys neighbor, Mr.gerbil-face looked up from his newpaper. Ugh. What a terrible neighborhood Mr. Gerbil-face lived in.

" Why do I have to live next door to a crazy guy who yells about muffins? And the person aross the street is yelling about pigs! I've gotta move out." Mr. Gerbil-face said.

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Meanwhile back at Roys house, 

Roy ripped the top off of his stove, reached his hands in, and pulled out the flaming hot muffin tray.

" **AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"** Roy screamed. Roy instantly dropped the muffin tray and ran to the sink. He turned on the cold water and stuck his hands under it. No use! His hands still hurt madly and now there were huge red lumps all over his hands!

Roy screamed some more and eventually began to roll on the floor in agony. He began to scream and put his hands in his mouth at the same time.

" HELP! OH GOD, SOMEONE HELP ME! MY HANDS! MY HANDS!"

And, as if on cue, an ambulance drove into his kitchen, and Roy was hauled away in it.

Roy woke up. Yay! It was a dream and- oh god no..It wasn't a dream! He had passed out in the ambulance. He looked around. There was a group of freaks all gathered around some wierdo in a bed talking about stiches and something called muggles. Whatever. Everyone else seemed completly normal and there were no other traces of magic so this could not possibly be St.Mungos.

Roy sat up and looked around somemore. He reached for a telephone and tried to pick it up. Unfourtunetly, There were bandages wrapped around both of Roys hands, so this proved to be difficult. Roy sighed. Why did he pick up that muffin tray if it was still RED? He didn't even like muffins all that much!

Roy attempted to pick up the telephone again and he managed to hold it by using both hands. Now for the hard part, Dialing the number. Roy decided that he wouldn't be able to dial the number with all these bandages on, so...he used his tongue! The phone tasted like corn but Roy tried to ignore that fact. Eventually, he managed to dial Rizas number.

" Hello Riza here." said a familiar voice from the telephone.

" Riza, do you relize that because you poured hot coffee on me..I am now in the hospital for 3rd degree burns?"

Riza sighed. " Roy, your coffee wasn't THAT hot." she said.

Now, Roy sighed. " Riza, that's not what I mean. Because of you pouring coffee on me...I forgot about..um..my..food...in the oven and it burnt and caught on fire and I burned myself."

Riza rolled her eyes, although Roy couldn't see this.

" Well Roy, I'm sorry you've been having a bad day but I have work to do." she said and hung up.

Roy sighed.It would be Another loooong day in the life of Roy Mustang.


	2. pink duckies

Discaimer: I do not own full metal alchemist. Or any tuna fish. :(

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Roy eventually fell asleep because of sheer boredom. He had a dream about Him and Riza going out and drinking pepsi all night long. At the end of the dream, Riza changed her name to Julia and made a Roy Mustang shrine. She also got some glasses and dyed her hair a little darker. 

Roy woke up. He covered his nose. EEErgH! What WAS that smell? He opened his eyes! Ahhhhh! The was a toad sitting on his nose. Roy picked up the toad and sat up. The toad was wearing a short black robe, had a strange beak like snout, a silly hat, and a staff with 2 disembodied heads on top was in its hand. Jaken! Ok not really ,but still. It was just a normal toad. :(

Roy looked around. Who had put a toad on his face? Surely it wasn't some bizarre way of curing burns. Oh well. Roy layed back down and closed his eyes.

Roy opened his eyes not five seconds later and sat up. What WAS that SMELL? It smelled like..smoke! There was a fire in the building! Fire fire!

Roy was right about to go running out of the hospital yelling about fire when he heard a familiar, yet painful, voice.

" Hi-ya colonel! Like my new pet toad? Since I couldn't keep a girlfriend I just decided to try and keep an amphibian instead!"

Roy groaned and turned his head to the right. Sure enough, there was Havoc just standing there.

" I heard that you burnt your hands on a muffin tray so I decided to visit you in the hospital! Oh and Nekaj, my toad, deicded to come too!"

Roy looked at the toad. Veeeeery exciting...No. Not at all. Obeythesnarf would think it was cool ...But nobody else whould give a crap. Roy, was in the nobody else group.

" Havoc, you relize I have no desire for a stinky toad to be sitting on my head." Roy said.

Havoc picked up Nekaj off of Roys head and shoved him in Roys face instead.

" Ain't he cuuuuuuute? He just a wittle pooksternickster! Awwww! poogy poogy oogy doog! Blargles!" Havoc exclaimed as he began to pet the toad.

Roy was shocked at how much Havoc reminded him of Maes right now. Of course, this didn't last long. Okay, maybe it did. Okay...maybe Roy never would look at Havoc the same way again. Or maybe he would...who knows? Havoc then put his toad down on a little table that was next to Roy and poked the toad a few times before saying,

" Tell him to do something."

Roy sighed as only one thought went through his head, ' havoc elephant crap'

" What do you mean, tell him to do something?" Roy asked.

Havoc smiled stupidy and answered " Like, a trick. For example..um...Roll over!"

Jaken..er..the toad rolled over. Havoc then had a very random thought occur in his brain.

'_I wonder if demons burp...' _he thought. Strangely enough, Roy was thinking the same thing, and even more strangely, Roy was not from Denford as he had always claimed. He was actually from a small planet in the vicinity of beetlejuice. But, that was beside the point.

" Okay um...Sit." Roy said. The Ja-the toad sat. It was a very obediant toad indeed! merple merple merple! Purple purple purple! snerple snerple snerple! Okay anyways...Roy decided to test the toad with a slightly harder trick.

" Play dead" Roy said. I made a ryhme! Dead, said! hee heee heeee. Ohhhhhhhh! burps

The toad fell over dead. Havoc twitched and sweatdropped. Roy froze and his eyes bugged out. At that moment, the grim reaper came in. Strangely enough, the grim reaper had its hood over its face and a silly little tail.

He grabbed the toad and claimed,

" i do not have a dorky voice."

and began to walk away. Unfortunetly for him, his sith began to argue with him.

" You do to have a dorky voice!"

" Do not!"

" Do to! AND you drink TEA! What kind of demon drinks TEA?"

The grim reaper snarled and threw the toad in the air.

" You shut up or i'll turn you into a butter knife!" he roared as blood began to trickle down his chin.

The sith rolled its eyes. " Oh, AGAIN with the blood! That is SO not scarey anymore!"

The grim reaper began to swear and disappered in a poof of PINK DUCKIES. ha ha. that's right! PINK DUCKIES! mwahaha. l:D

Havoc looked at his dead toad, and then at Roy.

" Roy, you killed my toad..." He said.

And thus...it begins...sorta...

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**Well...That's the 2nd chapter. I hope you liked it. If you did, then you should read my other fanifcs...i guess...please...oh and i'm not posting until I get at LEAST 2 more reveiws. **  



	3. Inuyasha the prosecuter

**Diclaimer: I do not own Full Metal Alchemist, Inu-Yasha, or Pink Duckies. Have a nice day in...the twilight zone!**

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**Havoc looked at Roy with a look of pure hatred.

" HAAAATE!" Havoc said as the word hate appeared above his head in dark cloudy letters.

Roys eyes bugged out. Roy picked up his eyes and put them back in his head. He then looked back at Havoc, hoping for the best.

The best, was far far away. Roy had killed Havocs toad. Havoc was probably going to kill Roy now. But he did not kill Roy. Instead, he took a much more justifyed way of dealing with this...

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Three minutes later... 

The police ran in and saw Havoc stangling Roy. They immedietly ran over and saved him. Roy was almost dead because of lack of oxygen.

" Can you breath? Are you alive? How many fingers am I holding up? Do I have a funny mustache?" A doctor asked Roy.

" I'm fine." Said Roy as Havoc walked over to him. Havoc looked very angry. He was also holding a very dead looking toad.

" Roy killed my toad! I want him to be thrown in jail!" Havoc exclaimed.

The police nodded and Handcuffed Roy. Roys eyes bugged out again, but they didn't bug out enough to fall out this time.

" Wait a minute, wait a minute! What about a trial? I demand a trial!" Roy said.

Two police men looked at eachother. Shrugged. And took Roy and Havoc to the court house Where the judge was sitting.

" Okay, Roy, You get to call someone to be your lawyer..guy..." Said the judge as he nodded at Roy.

" And Havoc, I'm afraid that there is only one prosecutor in the whole land of where ever we live, and his name is.."

" INU-YASHA!" Yelled Inu-yasha as he parraded inot the court house," At your service."

Havoc smiled. Inu-yasha was the best, and only, prosecutor around.


	4. Fumu the lawyer

Disclaimer: It turns out, that if a Rhino sees a fire, they will stamp it out. Oh, and I don't own full metal alchemist or inu-yasha.

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" Then let the case begin with Roy calling his lawyer!" The judge bellowed. Roy was given a phone to call his lawyer with.

Roy frowned. There were only a few lawyers in the whole land of wherever they live. And they where, A strange giant squirrel man name Burgamor, a small imp-like girl named Fumu, and the worst of all three lawyers, a large snail guy with a mustache and gotee named Dr. Escargon. Roy sighed. Burgamor was almost always drinking ale. He was out of the question. He would be to drunk to be a good lwayer. He then thought about the second choice, Fumu was a pretty good lawyer, despite beign a little girl. Roy then thought about his third choice. Dr. Escargon lost all of his cases, wasn't even a real doctor, and often demanded more pay than the other lawyers. Roy started to dial Fumu's number.

Fumu's answering machine answered.

" _Hello, Fumu cannot be here at the current moment in time. If you are her friend, please press one. if you are her school, please go away forever. If you need her to be your lawyer in a case, please press two. If you are sir meta knight, please go and annoy Leta instead. Thank you, and have a nice day!" _

Roy pressed number two. He was instantly connected to Fumu's cell phone.

" Hello You've reached Fumu the attorny. What did you do? Murder, robbery, breaking an entry, drive by shooting, hijacking, child abuse, sexual abuse, hit and run, refusal to pay taxes, refusal to pay employees, vandilism, plagurism, harrasement, illegily immigrate, pirating films, slavery, or something else? And do you have the money to pay for a lawyer like me? Becasue if you don't, I higly suggest you use Dr.Escargon instead." Fumu quickly said.

Roy was amazed at how professenal sounding a little girl could be.

" I'm being accused of killing somebodys pet." Roy said.

" Ah, I see. I'll trace this call to the location of the court house and i'll be there in three to five minutes with everything that you need to win the case." Fumu said as she hung up. Roy looked at the phone nervously. He was hoping that she was as good as she sounded. Because she sounded pretty good to begin with.

Three to five minutes passed, and Fumu arrived. She was very short, shorter than Ed, and she had her blonde hair tied back in a pony tail with a purple and orange hair band. She was wearing orange shoes and a buisiness suit. She was also carrying a black suitcase with her.

Fumu walkd up to the front of the court, and looked at Havoc, then at Roy, and then at Roy.

" Which one of you jerks called me?" She asked. Both Havoc and Roy frowned angrily.

" I did" said Roy. Fumu nodded and walked over to him.

" Who does guinea-pig head have as a prosecutor?" She asked.

" Inu-yasha." Roy replied. Fumu nodded again.

" He's hard to beat." She said.

Roy frowned. He did not want to go to jail anytime soon.

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**Sooo...did you like it? Do you even know who Fumu is? Do you know who Dr.Escargon is? Do you know who Burgamor is? If you knwo who Burgamor is, then I really want to meet you . I know it was really short, but what the hell? Please reveiw!**


	5. Dr quack and a really short chapter

**Disclaimer: woo-hoo hippopatumus!

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Roy looked up at the disclaimer.

"What does that mean?" he asked. Everyone else ignored the fact that the disclaimer made no sense. The judge bashed his hammer a couple times. Everyone looked up at him.

" Okay okay! The jury please rise!" he demanded. The members of the jury looked at each other in a confused fashion, but then stood up. The judge scowled.

"SIT DOWN ALREADY!" He yelled. The jury sat down, confused.

Fumu stood up.

"I'd like to call a witness to the stand." He said. The judge nodded and took out a gameboy. This would be a loooong court session. And whenever there was a long court session, he always liked to play a little mario. Ooh! Bowser was so hard to beat sometimes! Damn you Bowser! DAMN YOU!

" I call Doctor Quack to the stand!" Fumu said and she walked up to the stand. A second later, Dr.Quack poofed onto the stand--er--whatever it's called. Oh I dunno. Hmm maybe I should've done s'more research on courts BEFORE writing a fanfic about it...ah oh well.

Dr Quack looked around. He frowned. Where the hell was he?

"Where the hell am I?" he asked. Fumu strolled up to him.

"You, Dr.quack, are in court." She said.

"Oh. What for?"

"We need a trained medical dude to examine a frog to see how it ACTUALLY died." replied the intelligent little girl.

" I see. But wouldn't a vet be a better choice?" Dr. Quack wondered.

"Technically, yes. But we don't have enough cash to hire a vet. Or a good doctor for that matter. I mean, if we had to hire someone from _that_ hospital, then that just PROVES how run-down this whole place is"

Dr.Quack scowled. It wasn't his fault that he worked at _that_ hospital. It was just the fact that, quite frankly, a two year old knew more about the body than he did. In fact, during an operation, he had to ask a nurse how many chambers the heart had. She didn't know either.

Well, i've got a HUGE case of writers block (that's why i haven't been updating) so i'm just gonna end the chapter there. K? Okay okay fine, i'll make the next chapter longer but i seriosly don't know what should happen next. Just reveiw okay?


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